Aggressive vs. Assertive Behavior
Aggressive vs. Assertive Behavior
We all long for a sense of belonging--it's part of our DNA. Left to ourselves, we stoop to unhealthy ways to get this need met. Maybe you grew up in a home where one parent displayed codependent behavior and your other parent was avoidant. Maybe you are heavily influenced by a manipulative person--in any case, it helps to identify what doesn't work so you can learn and grow into what does work.
Aggression
Aggression, or even passive aggression seeks to get needs met in subversive ways. You've seen this in action in a movie plot when the antagonist bullies the protagonist using cutting comments, sarcasm, or veiled threats. You also see this behavior in your workplace in the form of "the silent treatment" when someone's birthday is forgotten. Maybe someone profusely apologizes for something they didn't do wrong, just to be affirmed with a compliment. Truth be told, you and I have exhibited aggressive behavior, even in small ways. The danger of acting out in manipulative ways is that we never get to where we really want to be in relationship; we can't experience authenticity when we're attempting to control someone. We certainly can't get there when someone else is attempting to control us. See my video on destructive relationships HERE.
Assertiveness
The alternative to unhealthy manipulation and control is setting reasonable boundaries for ourselves, to keep the good in and the bad out. We can model assertive behavior and move toward authenticity by finding ways to communicate truth in love. None of us are mind-readers; we need to verbalize our needs to give the other person a fair shot at understanding us. Growing in assertiveness curtails relational chaos and can greatly minimize the destructive behaviors of others.
If you missed it, head on over to see my video on Boundaries HERE.
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©2022 Julianne Knapp. First published 9.13.22
