Are You Reactive or Proactive?
Wise people think before they act. ~ Prov. 13:16
Do you ever feel your day, or even your life is spinning out of control? Or you’re always stamping out fires that flame up all over the place? Maybe the people around you drive you crazy, and you feel pushed to the limit in your relationships.
Normal life is challenging enough––unexpected things happen all the time. However, by taking responsibility for your life using wise planning and healthy relational boundaries, you can avert many crises.
Think about your average day. You know what it’s like: the general routine, the needs of those in your household, and what has to be accomplished in order to sustain life. This may include school schedules, meal planning, church commitments, work expectations, etc.
How you handle your average day and respond to the people around you displays your core values and even your belief about God.
Reactivity: Living in the World of Fantasy
Many, if not most people lack the life skills to function well in a demanding world. Instead of facing life head on, they dream up a fantasy of what they want their world to be like, and fully expect it to be that way. These folks are not self-aware; they are deceived. They keep hoping life will get better without intention on their part, simply because they wish it so. They react in anger when others don’t behave the way they want.
Reactive people experience life events and relationships as bouncing balls among many other bouncing balls, bumping and being bumped. There’s no overall plan or timetable to meet the demands of each day. Whatever happens next, they simply react to it. They may feel helpless (victim mentality) or they may blame others for everything that doesn’t go the way they want. They are either running behind, trying to catch up with life, or floating through life aimlessly. They are the center of their own universe, and they have no extra capacity for meeting others’ needs.
Proactivity: Living in the World of Reality
A person who is growing in self-awareness and maturity has reasonable expectations for what life brings, and with God’s help, rises to meet the challenges. He or she knows that his/her purpose is larger than himself/herself, so he/she makes a plan to invest in others while maintaining self-care.
People who live in reality can allow for unexpected events without ruining their day; life can take crazy turns. But they are not de-railed; they simply make adjustments, continue to focus on the overall goals, and adapt. They know that God is in charge, not them, and they are not anyone’s savior––Jesus is. Nor do they trust anyone or anything to be their savior (idolatry). They are calm, confident in God, and secure in their identity in Christ.
What Does Integrity Look Like?
In his book, Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality, Dr. Henry Cloud tells us that people of integrity have identified their core values and aligned their behavior accordingly. For example:
Repent and Believe
For every problem in life, there is a gospel solution. At least four times in the New Testament, Jesus encourages us to repent (exchange what we’re doing for something better) and believe (exercise faith in God’s power to change us). As you think through areas of your life where you need to exchange reactivity for proactivity, think about these truths:
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First published 11.14.23
Do you ever feel your day, or even your life is spinning out of control? Or you’re always stamping out fires that flame up all over the place? Maybe the people around you drive you crazy, and you feel pushed to the limit in your relationships.
Normal life is challenging enough––unexpected things happen all the time. However, by taking responsibility for your life using wise planning and healthy relational boundaries, you can avert many crises.
Think about your average day. You know what it’s like: the general routine, the needs of those in your household, and what has to be accomplished in order to sustain life. This may include school schedules, meal planning, church commitments, work expectations, etc.
How you handle your average day and respond to the people around you displays your core values and even your belief about God.
Reactivity: Living in the World of Fantasy
Many, if not most people lack the life skills to function well in a demanding world. Instead of facing life head on, they dream up a fantasy of what they want their world to be like, and fully expect it to be that way. These folks are not self-aware; they are deceived. They keep hoping life will get better without intention on their part, simply because they wish it so. They react in anger when others don’t behave the way they want.
Reactive people experience life events and relationships as bouncing balls among many other bouncing balls, bumping and being bumped. There’s no overall plan or timetable to meet the demands of each day. Whatever happens next, they simply react to it. They may feel helpless (victim mentality) or they may blame others for everything that doesn’t go the way they want. They are either running behind, trying to catch up with life, or floating through life aimlessly. They are the center of their own universe, and they have no extra capacity for meeting others’ needs.
Proactivity: Living in the World of Reality
A person who is growing in self-awareness and maturity has reasonable expectations for what life brings, and with God’s help, rises to meet the challenges. He or she knows that his/her purpose is larger than himself/herself, so he/she makes a plan to invest in others while maintaining self-care.
People who live in reality can allow for unexpected events without ruining their day; life can take crazy turns. But they are not de-railed; they simply make adjustments, continue to focus on the overall goals, and adapt. They know that God is in charge, not them, and they are not anyone’s savior––Jesus is. Nor do they trust anyone or anything to be their savior (idolatry). They are calm, confident in God, and secure in their identity in Christ.
What Does Integrity Look Like?
In his book, Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality, Dr. Henry Cloud tells us that people of integrity have identified their core values and aligned their behavior accordingly. For example:
- Your value is to raise emotionally healthy children, so you are intentional about spending quality and quantity time with each child and show them how much you value them.
- Your value is honesty, so you are careful to follow through on what you said you would do.
- Your value is to feed your family nutritious meals, so you plan your shopping, menus, and cooking schedule so that everyone eats at reasonable times.
- Your value is to maintain order in your home, so you voice your expectations, model orderliness, and train your children (not simply tell them) how to accomplish orderliness for themselves.
- Your value is to develop your relationship with God, so you set aside quality time each day for reflection, meditation, soul-searching, Bible-reading, and prayer.
- Your value is to grow as a person, so you seek resources that will teach you wisdom in becoming who God created you to be.
- Your value is truth, so you identify areas of your life that you’re living in a fantasy world and acknowledge the truth, even if truth is a painful reality.
Repent and Believe
For every problem in life, there is a gospel solution. At least four times in the New Testament, Jesus encourages us to repent (exchange what we’re doing for something better) and believe (exercise faith in God’s power to change us). As you think through areas of your life where you need to exchange reactivity for proactivity, think about these truths:
- God desires order, not chaos. “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” ~ 1 Cor. 14:33
- Mature people embrace reality by looking ahead of the moment. “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.” ~ Proverb 27:12
- God is for you; he leans into your need. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” ~ James 1:5
- Wise people are intentional about the building of their lives. “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” ~ Matthew 7:24-27
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First published 11.14.23