Gospel-Centered Parenting
When my first son was born, I truly believed I had the power to mold a near-perfect prototype, proving to the world that a) it could be done, and b) it could be done by me. Thirty-two years later, I can share some insights learned along my journey. Spoiler alert: things didn't turn out like I expected!
Laughable Myth #1: I Knew What I Was Doing
Based on my informal observations of parents in general, we tend to react to history, repeat history, or both. We react to things we wish our own parents had done differently by doing the opposite things with our own children. We repeat patterns we learned in childhood by modeling the same to our children. We can’t know what we don’t know – in other words, our experience as children cannot prepare us for the complexities we’ll face with our own kids.
What I wish I’d known as a parent of young children is something my oldest son learned early in his parenting journey: we must ditch our own ideas of parenting in favor of following Christ, and discipling our children as Christ disciples us. We do not have the wisdom to raise another image-bearer of God. Each child is unique, with very specific needs that we know nothing about. When we project our own needs and desires onto our children, we err in “making it about us” rather than working in the best interest of our progeny.
Laughable Myth #2: I Had the Strength to Do It
Whether a 20-something person will say it or not, we believe we can handle anything the world throws at us. We have energy, determination, ambition, and a vision to make lasting world change. We don’t need anyone telling us what to do – just turn us loose and watch the magic! Our false reality remains strong until we hit the three-month mark of sleepless nights, a child who cries and cries but cannot tell us the need, and a body we can no longer will into submission.
Disillusionment is an opportunity to reach for wisdom; often, however, we simply seek relief. We strive to regain the status quo where we can be “strong” and “in charge” again. Maybe this works for a few years, until the square wheels on our Flinstone buggy fall off when teen crises come: a runaway kid, navigating difficult conversations over identity, drugs, sex, relationships, emotional and mental health issues, and more. Suddenly, we don’t feel so strong anymore.
Sobering Truth #1: Though I’m Responsible, I’m Not In Charge
I wish I’d prayed more. I thought I had what it took to prevent bad outcomes. I wish that, instead of arranging circumstances my way to produce the world’s first “perfect” family, I had acknowledged the fact of God’s sovereignty in my kids’ lives. Rather than taking Christ’s easy yoke and light burden (Matt. 11:30), I thought my very good motivations combined with very hard work were enough to mold my kid’s hearts. Friends, I was wrong.
God is in charge of our kids’ hearts. We walk in obedience by shepherding them well, but we don’t get to determine where they go or what they do after they leave our household. No amount of paranoia on our part will prevent what God wants to accomplish in their lives; how He chooses to work may look very scary to us.
A healthy view of the gospel gives strength and security to our parenting. God is sovereign, powerful, and redemptive in His work with us and with our children. We are to steward God’s creation (our children), but we do not determine outcomes.
Sobering Truth #2: God Is Strong Enough For Our Kids
God’s ultimate goal is relationship with His children. He will stop at nothing to chase us down with goodness and mercy (Ps. 23:6)! While we are not strong enough to forge a relationship between our children and God, His Holy Spirit certainly is. Our kids will mess up. They will follow patterns that were modeled for them. They will not be perfect because we are not perfect. We do well to be on the lookout for opportunities to celebrate God’s grace not only when our kids do well, but especially when they learn a hard lesson due to their sin. The God who made our kids is big enough and strong enough to turn evil in their lives for their good and His glory.
Just as God never leaves or forsakes us (Deut. 31:8), He has His eyes on our kids. They are safe with Him because of who He is, not because we are strong enough to protect them. We will make lots of parenting mistakes, yet God will redeem even those for our kids’ closer relationship with Him.
My current best resource on the subject of parenting children within the household is by Paul David Tripp. Find it here: Parenting
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First published 4.18.23
Laughable Myth #1: I Knew What I Was Doing
Based on my informal observations of parents in general, we tend to react to history, repeat history, or both. We react to things we wish our own parents had done differently by doing the opposite things with our own children. We repeat patterns we learned in childhood by modeling the same to our children. We can’t know what we don’t know – in other words, our experience as children cannot prepare us for the complexities we’ll face with our own kids.
What I wish I’d known as a parent of young children is something my oldest son learned early in his parenting journey: we must ditch our own ideas of parenting in favor of following Christ, and discipling our children as Christ disciples us. We do not have the wisdom to raise another image-bearer of God. Each child is unique, with very specific needs that we know nothing about. When we project our own needs and desires onto our children, we err in “making it about us” rather than working in the best interest of our progeny.
Laughable Myth #2: I Had the Strength to Do It
Whether a 20-something person will say it or not, we believe we can handle anything the world throws at us. We have energy, determination, ambition, and a vision to make lasting world change. We don’t need anyone telling us what to do – just turn us loose and watch the magic! Our false reality remains strong until we hit the three-month mark of sleepless nights, a child who cries and cries but cannot tell us the need, and a body we can no longer will into submission.
Disillusionment is an opportunity to reach for wisdom; often, however, we simply seek relief. We strive to regain the status quo where we can be “strong” and “in charge” again. Maybe this works for a few years, until the square wheels on our Flinstone buggy fall off when teen crises come: a runaway kid, navigating difficult conversations over identity, drugs, sex, relationships, emotional and mental health issues, and more. Suddenly, we don’t feel so strong anymore.
Sobering Truth #1: Though I’m Responsible, I’m Not In Charge
I wish I’d prayed more. I thought I had what it took to prevent bad outcomes. I wish that, instead of arranging circumstances my way to produce the world’s first “perfect” family, I had acknowledged the fact of God’s sovereignty in my kids’ lives. Rather than taking Christ’s easy yoke and light burden (Matt. 11:30), I thought my very good motivations combined with very hard work were enough to mold my kid’s hearts. Friends, I was wrong.
God is in charge of our kids’ hearts. We walk in obedience by shepherding them well, but we don’t get to determine where they go or what they do after they leave our household. No amount of paranoia on our part will prevent what God wants to accomplish in their lives; how He chooses to work may look very scary to us.
A healthy view of the gospel gives strength and security to our parenting. God is sovereign, powerful, and redemptive in His work with us and with our children. We are to steward God’s creation (our children), but we do not determine outcomes.
Sobering Truth #2: God Is Strong Enough For Our Kids
God’s ultimate goal is relationship with His children. He will stop at nothing to chase us down with goodness and mercy (Ps. 23:6)! While we are not strong enough to forge a relationship between our children and God, His Holy Spirit certainly is. Our kids will mess up. They will follow patterns that were modeled for them. They will not be perfect because we are not perfect. We do well to be on the lookout for opportunities to celebrate God’s grace not only when our kids do well, but especially when they learn a hard lesson due to their sin. The God who made our kids is big enough and strong enough to turn evil in their lives for their good and His glory.
Just as God never leaves or forsakes us (Deut. 31:8), He has His eyes on our kids. They are safe with Him because of who He is, not because we are strong enough to protect them. We will make lots of parenting mistakes, yet God will redeem even those for our kids’ closer relationship with Him.
My current best resource on the subject of parenting children within the household is by Paul David Tripp. Find it here: Parenting
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First published 4.18.23