How Do I Know God Loves Me?
As a trauma survivor, the hardest concept for me to grasp is God’s love for me. Some of the obstacles to my belief are thoughts like:
Trauma is traumatic because of the beliefs it embeds in our souls. Some of the hardest healing is from relational trauma: the people who were supposed to love you and take care of you failed––miserably. You concluded that you were unlovable and had to make your own way in life because you never felt valued by those closest to you; therefore, no one else would love you, either.
Those who are supposed to care for us mold our view of God. Ideally, they show us the love of God, even if they don’t do it perfectly. For the majority of us, however, we conceptualize God through the lens of how we were treated by those we looked to for protection and provision, and that false concept took the form of
One of the difficult tasks of trauma recovery is learning to see God for the kind, gentle, loving person he is. In fact, that is exactly what Jesus came to do––to show us God in reality, as one human to another. Immanuel: God with us.
In my season of debilitating depression, one friend shared this verse with me:
“The Lord your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will be quiet in his love. He will delight in you with singing.” ~Zeph. 3:17
I wrestled with the truth of this verse for years. I couldn’t believe that I was the object of God’s love––not patronizing love, but voluntary, love-me-for-me love! This was something I’d not experienced before, so I had no context for understanding.
Because God had been presented to me as someone who punishes little girls when they disobey; as someone who is never pleased with me unless I “get it right”; as someone who will turn away from me when I fall out of favor; as someone who is unapproachable, I couldn’t wrap my brain around a God who is for me.
But then I started reading through the New Testament to find out how Jesus treats people. This was so different from how people treat people!
The negative beliefs I held about God were reversed when I considered how he revealed himself to me in the person of his son Jesus Christ.
This was someone approachable who proved his love to me; someone who paid for my sin by taking my judgment; someone who grieves over my suffering; someone who can relate to my misery because he’s been there and done that; someone who welcomes me into his kingdom of light.
This is the same person who declared that people who love him will spread his love to others (John 14:12-14).
As a trauma survivor, I still struggle seeing myself as someone who is lovable, and it’s still hard for me to believe someone who says they love me. But I have verifiable evidence that God loves me through his son Jesus Christ, that nothing and no one can change that (Rom. 8:31-39), and that Jesus uses people to be his hands and feet in spreading the love of God.
I am so grateful to many individuals who have shown God’s love to me. Their kind words and actions have strengthened my faith, proving what I could only dare to hope: I am loved.
You are loved.
“Heavenly Father, build our faith in the knowledge of your love through Jesus Christ. From that safe place of refuge, may our wounds be healed. May we do what we are created to do: to love you and to love others well, in the power of the Holy Spirit. We ask this for the sake of your name and glory, Amen.”
©2024 Julianne Knapp. First published 2.13.24
- How could a loving God allow my suffering?
- People only want me for what they get from me; no one actually loves me
- I have to earn my own way in life
- I am unlovable
- God’s love is for other people, but not for me
Trauma is traumatic because of the beliefs it embeds in our souls. Some of the hardest healing is from relational trauma: the people who were supposed to love you and take care of you failed––miserably. You concluded that you were unlovable and had to make your own way in life because you never felt valued by those closest to you; therefore, no one else would love you, either.
Those who are supposed to care for us mold our view of God. Ideally, they show us the love of God, even if they don’t do it perfectly. For the majority of us, however, we conceptualize God through the lens of how we were treated by those we looked to for protection and provision, and that false concept took the form of
- Harshness
- Criticism
- Judgment
- Giving attention only when they were pleased with us
- Using us to meet their needs
- Being unapproachable
- Being punitive
- Being abusive
- Being negligent
- Being emotionally or physically unavailable
One of the difficult tasks of trauma recovery is learning to see God for the kind, gentle, loving person he is. In fact, that is exactly what Jesus came to do––to show us God in reality, as one human to another. Immanuel: God with us.
In my season of debilitating depression, one friend shared this verse with me:
“The Lord your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will be quiet in his love. He will delight in you with singing.” ~Zeph. 3:17
I wrestled with the truth of this verse for years. I couldn’t believe that I was the object of God’s love––not patronizing love, but voluntary, love-me-for-me love! This was something I’d not experienced before, so I had no context for understanding.
Because God had been presented to me as someone who punishes little girls when they disobey; as someone who is never pleased with me unless I “get it right”; as someone who will turn away from me when I fall out of favor; as someone who is unapproachable, I couldn’t wrap my brain around a God who is for me.
But then I started reading through the New Testament to find out how Jesus treats people. This was so different from how people treat people!
- Jesus doesn’t accuse us––he advocates for us (1 John 2:1)
- Jesus doesn’t condemn us––he took our condemnation (John 3:17)
- Jesus doesn’t abuse children––he blesses them (Mark 10:13-16)
- Jesus doesn’t turn people away––he welcomes them (Luke 18:35-40)
- Jesus doesn’t ostracize us––he invites us into conversation (John 4)
- Jesus doesn’t destroy things––he builds things (Mark 6:3, John 14:3)
The negative beliefs I held about God were reversed when I considered how he revealed himself to me in the person of his son Jesus Christ.
This was someone approachable who proved his love to me; someone who paid for my sin by taking my judgment; someone who grieves over my suffering; someone who can relate to my misery because he’s been there and done that; someone who welcomes me into his kingdom of light.
This is the same person who declared that people who love him will spread his love to others (John 14:12-14).
As a trauma survivor, I still struggle seeing myself as someone who is lovable, and it’s still hard for me to believe someone who says they love me. But I have verifiable evidence that God loves me through his son Jesus Christ, that nothing and no one can change that (Rom. 8:31-39), and that Jesus uses people to be his hands and feet in spreading the love of God.
I am so grateful to many individuals who have shown God’s love to me. Their kind words and actions have strengthened my faith, proving what I could only dare to hope: I am loved.
You are loved.
“Heavenly Father, build our faith in the knowledge of your love through Jesus Christ. From that safe place of refuge, may our wounds be healed. May we do what we are created to do: to love you and to love others well, in the power of the Holy Spirit. We ask this for the sake of your name and glory, Amen.”
©2024 Julianne Knapp. First published 2.13.24