Love: We've Got It All Wrong
How Our Expectations Lead to Disappointment
What comes to your mind when you think of "love"? Chances are, your mind reflects on your experiences of what some have called "love". Love of parents and siblings, puppy love, or serious romantic love. At some point, all of these will have let you down, because unless you are in a small minority, these loves weren't love at all.
And so, unfulfilled, without sense of belonging or importance, we keep chasing ever-elusive meaningful relationships. Won't someone notice us? Won't someone find us valuable? Will we ever be . . . enough?
Conditions and Expectations
Left to ourselves, we simply model or rebel against our earliest experiences of "love". Have you stopped to think about what went wrong in those relationships? It could be that there wasn't genuine "love" in the first place, because humans (Christians or not) tend to place conditions and expectations on "love":
How Did We Get Here?
Our ultimate enemy wants to keep us in the dark. We are distracted, de-railed, and eventually destroyed by the lies that keep us on the proverbial rat wheel, going nowhere:
The Light Comes On
When we experience of the magnificent, extravagant, unconditional love of Jesus, a switch is flipped in our soul. All of a sudden, we don't have to "perform". Jesus wants us for us, not for what we can do for Him! Now we can live in peace and freedom – freedom to love others just as they are, with no strings attached!
Before we can truly love, we must realize that we are fully loved by the One who made us. He made us this way, and He loves us this way! We couldn't do anything to please Him more if we tried, and striving is futile. A perfect, holy God loves us perfectly.
What Is Your Heart Pursuing?
No judgment here, but if you are chasing love by seeking to please others, by trying hard to be "enough", by attracting attention to yourself (even in subtle ways), by working to prove yourself worthy, you will be terribly disappointed. I only know because I've tried all of the things above. My problem was, I thought I could gain the "belonging" I craved through other people. Notice the self-focus there? That I could figure it out myself and execute a successful plan?
It was only after I hit rock bottom by learning that none of my plans worked, that I was able to receive the truth: love doesn't originate in other fallen human beings like me. Love originates in the God who IS love.
What, Then, Does Love Look Like?
A cursory look at 1 Corinthians 13 helps us identify and label what real love looks like. Notice in this brief list, the evidence of real love; what is not mentioned is just as important as what is mentioned:
Ultimate Love
You don't have to be in a romantic relationship to experience fulness of love, because ultimate love doesn't come from other humans. It is only when you embrace the truth that the only eternal love that truly matters at a soul level is the complete acceptance of the One who made you just as you are, and so loves you just as you are, that you gain the capacity for peace, which leads to a freedom to love others.
Take another glance at the list above. No human, even on a good day, will perfectly fulfill this list for you, nor will you fulfill it for someone else. But Jesus does. Every act of Jesus recorded in the Gospels is evidence to this fact. Jesus shows us what love looks like, and He extends that love to YOU.
Here's a little something to take with you this week: think over the evidence list of love and remind yourself of how Jesus exercises this toward you. Every day, ask God to empower you to intentionally practice something on this list toward someone else. Pick any action, and notice how you are posturing Jesus' love to someone else as He has done so for you!
***********
*Note: if you are in a destructive relationship, God does not command you to keep on suffering. You cannot control the actions or attitudes of another person, no matter how well you model good behavior. In a destructive relationship, love is demonstrated by boundaries to reduce harm.
For a great resource on this topic, CLICK HERE.
If you would like to receive weekly articles by email, click HERE. Your information will never be shared.
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First Published 2.14.23
What comes to your mind when you think of "love"? Chances are, your mind reflects on your experiences of what some have called "love". Love of parents and siblings, puppy love, or serious romantic love. At some point, all of these will have let you down, because unless you are in a small minority, these loves weren't love at all.
And so, unfulfilled, without sense of belonging or importance, we keep chasing ever-elusive meaningful relationships. Won't someone notice us? Won't someone find us valuable? Will we ever be . . . enough?
Conditions and Expectations
Left to ourselves, we simply model or rebel against our earliest experiences of "love". Have you stopped to think about what went wrong in those relationships? It could be that there wasn't genuine "love" in the first place, because humans (Christians or not) tend to place conditions and expectations on "love":
- I love you . . . as long as you're good
- I love you . . . as long as you meet my needs
- I love you . . . as long as you keep up the family image
- I love you . . . as long as you obey
- I love you . . . until someone more attractive comes along
How Did We Get Here?
Our ultimate enemy wants to keep us in the dark. We are distracted, de-railed, and eventually destroyed by the lies that keep us on the proverbial rat wheel, going nowhere:
- If only we can work hard enough, we'll get love
- If only we can win the competition against others . . .
- If only we can be viewed as better than others . . .
- If only we can please others . . .
The Light Comes On
When we experience of the magnificent, extravagant, unconditional love of Jesus, a switch is flipped in our soul. All of a sudden, we don't have to "perform". Jesus wants us for us, not for what we can do for Him! Now we can live in peace and freedom – freedom to love others just as they are, with no strings attached!
Before we can truly love, we must realize that we are fully loved by the One who made us. He made us this way, and He loves us this way! We couldn't do anything to please Him more if we tried, and striving is futile. A perfect, holy God loves us perfectly.
What Is Your Heart Pursuing?
No judgment here, but if you are chasing love by seeking to please others, by trying hard to be "enough", by attracting attention to yourself (even in subtle ways), by working to prove yourself worthy, you will be terribly disappointed. I only know because I've tried all of the things above. My problem was, I thought I could gain the "belonging" I craved through other people. Notice the self-focus there? That I could figure it out myself and execute a successful plan?
It was only after I hit rock bottom by learning that none of my plans worked, that I was able to receive the truth: love doesn't originate in other fallen human beings like me. Love originates in the God who IS love.
What, Then, Does Love Look Like?
A cursory look at 1 Corinthians 13 helps us identify and label what real love looks like. Notice in this brief list, the evidence of real love; what is not mentioned is just as important as what is mentioned:
- patience
- kindness
- humility
- courtesy
- doesn't demand to have its own way
- isn't easily irritated
- doesn't resent or hold grudges (gives freedom to others)
- isn't entertained by evil
- rejoices (heart leaps) at truth
- bears with difficulty
- is faith-filled and trusting
- holds out hope
- develops patience
- As you reflect on how you relate to others, what did you notice? As you reflect on the effect others have on you, what did you notice? Was something missing in this list of "love" you might have expected to see? How does this list compare to items you might see on a Valentine's Day card?
Ultimate Love
You don't have to be in a romantic relationship to experience fulness of love, because ultimate love doesn't come from other humans. It is only when you embrace the truth that the only eternal love that truly matters at a soul level is the complete acceptance of the One who made you just as you are, and so loves you just as you are, that you gain the capacity for peace, which leads to a freedom to love others.
Take another glance at the list above. No human, even on a good day, will perfectly fulfill this list for you, nor will you fulfill it for someone else. But Jesus does. Every act of Jesus recorded in the Gospels is evidence to this fact. Jesus shows us what love looks like, and He extends that love to YOU.
Here's a little something to take with you this week: think over the evidence list of love and remind yourself of how Jesus exercises this toward you. Every day, ask God to empower you to intentionally practice something on this list toward someone else. Pick any action, and notice how you are posturing Jesus' love to someone else as He has done so for you!
***********
*Note: if you are in a destructive relationship, God does not command you to keep on suffering. You cannot control the actions or attitudes of another person, no matter how well you model good behavior. In a destructive relationship, love is demonstrated by boundaries to reduce harm.
For a great resource on this topic, CLICK HERE.
If you would like to receive weekly articles by email, click HERE. Your information will never be shared.
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First Published 2.14.23