Reversing the Lies of Victimhood
Trauma survivors stand at a fork in the road. The difficult path of growth results in peace, but the path of least resistance keeps us stuck in false beliefs. Embracing the truth puts us on the road to life and freedom.
How We Became Victims
While we were bound in someone else’s sin against us, we were without a voice, without healthy relationships, and without personal agency (power). But now we have choices: we can speak the truth, develop a circle of trustworthy friends, and make our own decisions.
Why is this hard? Because recovery is unfamiliar territory. Before, someone else had all the control. Now we are free, but if we are still blaming someone in our past for our current reality, we are giving that person power that belongs to us.
I’m not saying that we have to forget our wounds or those who caused them. I’m saying that making your life about your pain leads to self-centeredness, bitterness, anger, and resentment. Recovery of your personhood necessarily leads to freedom and forgiveness, and the process requires dispelling the lies we’ve come to believe.
The Lie of Isolation
Our enemy, a liar, wants to convince us that we are alone in our suffering. We need others to help us confront this false belief, beginning with the gospel of Jesus. From there, we move from isolation into a safe community with fellow believers.
Christ’s incarnation––his becoming human––teaches us several important truths:
Vulnerability feels risky as we seek to be known––really known, on the inside. But within a community of safe relationships, our vulnerability is the vehicle to wound repair. We can be known and loved rather than exposed and shamed. God never meant for us to be alone, so he has provided a way for our healing by the grace of friendship and one-anothering. And as we hear of others’ wounds, we ourselves experience healing.
The Lie of Moral Superiority: I’m Better Than the People Who Harmed Me
The enemy embedded this lie into our hearts during our wounding. Like most other lies, it has a large percentage of truth: what happened to us was indeed evil. However, each of us is capable of any atrocity. All of us are made of the same stuff. But for the grace of God, we would all be like those who hurt us.
Embracing the truth that our harm was brought about by a person who was a tool of the real enemy helps us to place our anger where it belongs: on the sin itself. God has rescued us from our oppression, and now he shows us how our oppressor needs God. There is no excuse for their sin––any more than there is an excuse for ours––but they need the same good news that Christ died for sinners.
The Lie of Entitlement: I Deserve A Comfortable, Happy Life
Many of our wounds came from entitled people––those who helped themselves to our persons at our expense. One natural reaction is to feel entitled, too: “I deserve better; somebody should make up for my losses; I need to even the score.” No one is going to make up for our hurt, nor can they, which is why it is such a loss. An entitled attitude on our part simply frustrates us with unmet expectations.
The belief that we can have a pain-free, blissful life is another of the enemy’s lies. We live in a sinful, fallen world, and our only hope is Jesus Christ. In him, we can have joy and all the things that pertain to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). But there will be hard times mingled with happy times.
Jesus relates to us here, too. He, knowing he was God’s equal, became obedient to death on a cross for our sakes (Phil. 2:6-8). He deserved better treatment (John 1:11), but did not expect it. Being a follower of Jesus means that we adopt his humble attitude.
The Path of Righteousness
What matters is that we live life with God, our primary relationship. He gives comfort, hope, and purpose on a much deeper level than we could ever imagine to gain from physical luxury. I like to call this ‘soul comfort’––peace that out-measures and outweighs any good earthly experience (Phil. 4:7).
“Father, speak truth to our hearts through the Holy Spirit and your word. Help us to resist the devil by refuting the lies we’ve come to believe. Heal our hearts in the safe relationships you’ve provided for us, and may we also represent you to others who need healing. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First published 10.3.23
How We Became Victims
While we were bound in someone else’s sin against us, we were without a voice, without healthy relationships, and without personal agency (power). But now we have choices: we can speak the truth, develop a circle of trustworthy friends, and make our own decisions.
Why is this hard? Because recovery is unfamiliar territory. Before, someone else had all the control. Now we are free, but if we are still blaming someone in our past for our current reality, we are giving that person power that belongs to us.
I’m not saying that we have to forget our wounds or those who caused them. I’m saying that making your life about your pain leads to self-centeredness, bitterness, anger, and resentment. Recovery of your personhood necessarily leads to freedom and forgiveness, and the process requires dispelling the lies we’ve come to believe.
The Lie of Isolation
Our enemy, a liar, wants to convince us that we are alone in our suffering. We need others to help us confront this false belief, beginning with the gospel of Jesus. From there, we move from isolation into a safe community with fellow believers.
Christ’s incarnation––his becoming human––teaches us several important truths:
- God sees us and is with us
- Jesus endured suffering to relate to us in our suffering
- Jesus put his Spirit into believers so we can be with each other in our pain
- We must experience God in the flesh in order to heal.
Vulnerability feels risky as we seek to be known––really known, on the inside. But within a community of safe relationships, our vulnerability is the vehicle to wound repair. We can be known and loved rather than exposed and shamed. God never meant for us to be alone, so he has provided a way for our healing by the grace of friendship and one-anothering. And as we hear of others’ wounds, we ourselves experience healing.
The Lie of Moral Superiority: I’m Better Than the People Who Harmed Me
The enemy embedded this lie into our hearts during our wounding. Like most other lies, it has a large percentage of truth: what happened to us was indeed evil. However, each of us is capable of any atrocity. All of us are made of the same stuff. But for the grace of God, we would all be like those who hurt us.
Embracing the truth that our harm was brought about by a person who was a tool of the real enemy helps us to place our anger where it belongs: on the sin itself. God has rescued us from our oppression, and now he shows us how our oppressor needs God. There is no excuse for their sin––any more than there is an excuse for ours––but they need the same good news that Christ died for sinners.
The Lie of Entitlement: I Deserve A Comfortable, Happy Life
Many of our wounds came from entitled people––those who helped themselves to our persons at our expense. One natural reaction is to feel entitled, too: “I deserve better; somebody should make up for my losses; I need to even the score.” No one is going to make up for our hurt, nor can they, which is why it is such a loss. An entitled attitude on our part simply frustrates us with unmet expectations.
The belief that we can have a pain-free, blissful life is another of the enemy’s lies. We live in a sinful, fallen world, and our only hope is Jesus Christ. In him, we can have joy and all the things that pertain to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). But there will be hard times mingled with happy times.
Jesus relates to us here, too. He, knowing he was God’s equal, became obedient to death on a cross for our sakes (Phil. 2:6-8). He deserved better treatment (John 1:11), but did not expect it. Being a follower of Jesus means that we adopt his humble attitude.
The Path of Righteousness
What matters is that we live life with God, our primary relationship. He gives comfort, hope, and purpose on a much deeper level than we could ever imagine to gain from physical luxury. I like to call this ‘soul comfort’––peace that out-measures and outweighs any good earthly experience (Phil. 4:7).
“Father, speak truth to our hearts through the Holy Spirit and your word. Help us to resist the devil by refuting the lies we’ve come to believe. Heal our hearts in the safe relationships you’ve provided for us, and may we also represent you to others who need healing. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First published 10.3.23