Seasons in the Valley
They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. ~ Isaiah 41:31
I remember sitting in the counselor’s office asking, “How long is this going to take? How long will I feel this way?” Her answer was disappointing. There was no easy answer, she said. It’s different for everyone, she said. I wanted relief right then, or at least an estimate of the length of time my suffering would extend.
My aunt, who survived a trauma similar to mine, said that, according to her support group, one year of recovery for every four or five years of chronic relational dysfunction is “normal”. I quickly did the math . . . seven years of recovery?? A few years ago, when I studied grief counseling, I learned that a normal span of time to grieve the loss of a person may range from two to three years. Years!
In the Valley
Living in the shadowy valley is not what any of us would choose. It’s a hard, rocky, darkish place of uncertainty where emotions fluctuate from okay to very not okay. Yet here is the place where we’re most likely to meet our Savior on his turf (Heb. 4:15) and on his terms. Our Good Shepherd has already lingered here, having gone before us (Deut. 31:8), and gladly returns to walk with us, delivering us (Matt. 6:13) and keeping us from evil (Ps. 23:4).
I’m not going to sugarcoat the experience of suffering in the valley between the past and future––that mysterious space where you’re out of harm’s way and yet not whole or healed. Many cannot tolerate this necessary phase of growth, so they distract themselves with mental or physical busyness. They reason, if they can just keep the noise going, they won’t feel the ache that comes when silence returns.
Be Still and Know
The only way up is down: in order to heal, we must be still. We must rest and recover just as though we’ve had major surgery on a vital organ (or several!). It takes time, and to try to speed up or shortcut the process will result in greater depletion of your spiritual, emotional, and physical resources.
There is one Great Physician, and to know him is to grow in him. Psalm 46:10 wisely instructs us to slow down and allow stillness to predicate our consideration of the greatness of God and His loving posture toward us. Psalm 131 also advocates for our finding quietness in contemplation. From this quiet, still, place, we experience the God of all comfort who heals us moment by moment.
Learning to rest, especially in the valleys, has been the hardest skill I’ve ever undertaken to develop. Distractions pull at me from all sides. For a lifetime I’ve found activities––very wholesome, productive, service-oriented ones!––to stay so busy that I couldn’t hear God’s still, small voice (1 Kings 19:12), let alone deal with my trauma and grief. Now, however, I’m finally learning the value of being with God in the valley––or wherever––in order to rest, heal, and grow.
Embracing the Season
If you are ready to submit to the process of healing God has for you, here are some helpful things I’ve learned:
The following are my theme verses for this season. I have them on an index card next to my favorite chair:
For the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said:
You will be delivered by returning and resting;
Your strength will lie in quiet confidence.
Therefore the LORD is waiting to show you mercy,
And is rising up to show you compassion,
For the LORD is a just God.
All who wait patiently for him are happy.
The result of righteousness will be peace;
The effect of righteousness will be quiet confidence forever.
Isaiah 30:15, 18 and 32:17
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First published 8.22.23
I remember sitting in the counselor’s office asking, “How long is this going to take? How long will I feel this way?” Her answer was disappointing. There was no easy answer, she said. It’s different for everyone, she said. I wanted relief right then, or at least an estimate of the length of time my suffering would extend.
My aunt, who survived a trauma similar to mine, said that, according to her support group, one year of recovery for every four or five years of chronic relational dysfunction is “normal”. I quickly did the math . . . seven years of recovery?? A few years ago, when I studied grief counseling, I learned that a normal span of time to grieve the loss of a person may range from two to three years. Years!
In the Valley
Living in the shadowy valley is not what any of us would choose. It’s a hard, rocky, darkish place of uncertainty where emotions fluctuate from okay to very not okay. Yet here is the place where we’re most likely to meet our Savior on his turf (Heb. 4:15) and on his terms. Our Good Shepherd has already lingered here, having gone before us (Deut. 31:8), and gladly returns to walk with us, delivering us (Matt. 6:13) and keeping us from evil (Ps. 23:4).
I’m not going to sugarcoat the experience of suffering in the valley between the past and future––that mysterious space where you’re out of harm’s way and yet not whole or healed. Many cannot tolerate this necessary phase of growth, so they distract themselves with mental or physical busyness. They reason, if they can just keep the noise going, they won’t feel the ache that comes when silence returns.
Be Still and Know
The only way up is down: in order to heal, we must be still. We must rest and recover just as though we’ve had major surgery on a vital organ (or several!). It takes time, and to try to speed up or shortcut the process will result in greater depletion of your spiritual, emotional, and physical resources.
There is one Great Physician, and to know him is to grow in him. Psalm 46:10 wisely instructs us to slow down and allow stillness to predicate our consideration of the greatness of God and His loving posture toward us. Psalm 131 also advocates for our finding quietness in contemplation. From this quiet, still, place, we experience the God of all comfort who heals us moment by moment.
Learning to rest, especially in the valleys, has been the hardest skill I’ve ever undertaken to develop. Distractions pull at me from all sides. For a lifetime I’ve found activities––very wholesome, productive, service-oriented ones!––to stay so busy that I couldn’t hear God’s still, small voice (1 Kings 19:12), let alone deal with my trauma and grief. Now, however, I’m finally learning the value of being with God in the valley––or wherever––in order to rest, heal, and grow.
Embracing the Season
If you are ready to submit to the process of healing God has for you, here are some helpful things I’ve learned:
- Make an appointment for grief. If you’re busy at work or serving others, you can’t afford for feelings to spill over at certain times. However, you can manage some “valley work” by making space for being alone with God to face your losses. I’m not saying you can always cry on cue; but you can do the work of sadness so that it doesn’t interfere as much with your other commitments.
- Journal your prayers to God. Acknowledge your feelings to him, especially in seasons of lament.
- Remember that there’s light at the other end of the valley. Things don’t stay the same forever, and you will emerge in the daylight.
- Enjoy happy moments as they come. Don't let grief and pain steal your joy!
- Let your grief be productive: lean into the comfort Jesus offers and consider how his suffering and yours are similar. Remember his redemptive plan for suffering.
- If you feel pressured to immerse yourself in busyness, ask God if he is telling you to do this. He will make it clear if it is his will (Phil. 2:13). Often, however, we are the ones who overwhelm ourselves with too much to do.
- Doing the will of God often means being still. Think about whose voices are telling you otherwise. When God moves you to action, he will give you the strength to accomplish the task (Phil. 1:6). Until then, don’t let the enemy guilt you into “performing”.
- You can’t grieve 24/7, so balance your time with an occasional break (not escape, not needless activity). It helps if you do something wholesome or constructive. Creativity and art are great outlets, as may be watching an edifying show that doesn't require much mental processing.
The following are my theme verses for this season. I have them on an index card next to my favorite chair:
For the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said:
You will be delivered by returning and resting;
Your strength will lie in quiet confidence.
Therefore the LORD is waiting to show you mercy,
And is rising up to show you compassion,
For the LORD is a just God.
All who wait patiently for him are happy.
The result of righteousness will be peace;
The effect of righteousness will be quiet confidence forever.
Isaiah 30:15, 18 and 32:17
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First published 8.22.23