Victim or Victor?
How You See Yourself
Did you know you can change your reality? It's simple, but not necessarily easy. If you're willing to work on yourself, you can experience life in a totally different way, with a totally different mindset and purpose.
Let's Get Started
Think of something bad that has happened to you. (Your mind may be cluttered with many negative memories, but for now, let's focus on just one.) In this memory, who was there? What was said? What was done? How did it affect you (how did your feel)? And here's the really important part: as a result of what happened, what did you start to believe?
Here are some beliefs that may have lodged in your heart and mind:
All of our behaviors (actions) are a result of our beliefs and values. We do exactly what we want to do, as we weigh the consequences and outcomes (I'm not including things that are done to us by oppression). If, for example, we believe that no one will ever love us, we reinforce that belief with every interaction with others, sometimes even going so far as to cause a person to walk away. Because we believe though no one could ever love us, it shows on our faces, and we don't connect with others who genuinely love us. We end up rejecting others to reinforce our false belief that we are unloveable.
How a Victor Mindset Begins
Far from simply repeating affirmations to yourself, the intentional work of analyzing why you believe the way you do is a hard but necessary exercise in growth, and this is the process you will use to re-frame each negative memory. Trauma wires your brain for self-protection, but facing your memories with courage re-wires your brain for connection!
We were made with a basic human need for belonging. Until authentic connection with others is established, we are doomed to repeat our relational errors, and worse, we get stuck in "victim" mindset. The process to becoming a "victor" starts with seeking truth instead of believing the same old lies you've become comfortable with.
How the Bible Helps Us
Romans 12:2 asserts that mind-renewal is not only possible, it is the Christian way of life: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
The writer, Paul is saying that because of our fallen, sinful nature, we tend to believe lies as a result of the worldly system. Abuse, infidelity, and antagonism all have their part in tempting us to believe untrue things about ourselves, God, and others. We need to check every thought and belief against what is true in order to keep our heads right side up. If confusion is present, so is evil. You cannot reconcile truth and lies.
To continue the example above, we can combat the lie "no one will ever love me" with the truth from Col. 1:3-4, in which the author Paul writes that the church at Colosse is known for believers showing love toward one another. This is the normal reality for those in the kingdom!
In Phil. 1:9-11, Paul says something similar to believers. In fact, he prays that their love toward each other will grow greater. When you're with a group of authentic, committed believers, you're in good company to experience brotherly love as God intended.
We need to note, however, that love doesn't come on our own terms, by our own definition, with whomever we choose. This is why we must plug into God's truth and wisdom to understand what it's all about. Our way never works, but God's way always does!
A New Reality
Becoming a "victor" doesn't mean that your past doesn't matter. Nor does it minimize the great harm you may have experienced. What it does mean, however, is that you gain hope by embracing the truth about God, yourself, and others. You get to choose wise companions. You get to experience God's deliverance and provision. You become aware of God's great love for you, so you live in freedom from the bondage of lies. You get to be creative as God's special creation, doing what you were made to do, and being restored to who you were created to be.
Our current reality has everything to do with our current perspective. It is much more than "the power of positive thinking"; it is the way we view our world. We have hope when we come to the conclusions that:
We have an arch enemy that is out to distract, derail, and destroy us if possible; however, we also have at our disposal counter measures: the armor of God and the choice to resist evil. We who have received Christ are no longer in bondage to sin, but have a responsibility to choose growth. Our past does not define us; we share an identity with Christ in God. Romans 8:37 declares us victors! What a reality check!
If God is for us, who can be against us? . . . in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Romans 8:31-37
Are you seeking to grow toward a "victor" mindset? Check out these resources on resilience and healing from abuse.
Get free weekly articles in your inbox! Click HERE. Your information will never be shared.
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First published 3.14.23
Did you know you can change your reality? It's simple, but not necessarily easy. If you're willing to work on yourself, you can experience life in a totally different way, with a totally different mindset and purpose.
Let's Get Started
Think of something bad that has happened to you. (Your mind may be cluttered with many negative memories, but for now, let's focus on just one.) In this memory, who was there? What was said? What was done? How did it affect you (how did your feel)? And here's the really important part: as a result of what happened, what did you start to believe?
Here are some beliefs that may have lodged in your heart and mind:
- I'm worthless
- I'm scarred for life
- No one will ever love me
- I'm dirty
- I don't belong
- I'm not good enough
- There's no use in trying
- Everyone is out to get me
- I'm always unlucky
- God must be angry with me
All of our behaviors (actions) are a result of our beliefs and values. We do exactly what we want to do, as we weigh the consequences and outcomes (I'm not including things that are done to us by oppression). If, for example, we believe that no one will ever love us, we reinforce that belief with every interaction with others, sometimes even going so far as to cause a person to walk away. Because we believe though no one could ever love us, it shows on our faces, and we don't connect with others who genuinely love us. We end up rejecting others to reinforce our false belief that we are unloveable.
How a Victor Mindset Begins
Far from simply repeating affirmations to yourself, the intentional work of analyzing why you believe the way you do is a hard but necessary exercise in growth, and this is the process you will use to re-frame each negative memory. Trauma wires your brain for self-protection, but facing your memories with courage re-wires your brain for connection!
We were made with a basic human need for belonging. Until authentic connection with others is established, we are doomed to repeat our relational errors, and worse, we get stuck in "victim" mindset. The process to becoming a "victor" starts with seeking truth instead of believing the same old lies you've become comfortable with.
How the Bible Helps Us
Romans 12:2 asserts that mind-renewal is not only possible, it is the Christian way of life: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
The writer, Paul is saying that because of our fallen, sinful nature, we tend to believe lies as a result of the worldly system. Abuse, infidelity, and antagonism all have their part in tempting us to believe untrue things about ourselves, God, and others. We need to check every thought and belief against what is true in order to keep our heads right side up. If confusion is present, so is evil. You cannot reconcile truth and lies.
To continue the example above, we can combat the lie "no one will ever love me" with the truth from Col. 1:3-4, in which the author Paul writes that the church at Colosse is known for believers showing love toward one another. This is the normal reality for those in the kingdom!
In Phil. 1:9-11, Paul says something similar to believers. In fact, he prays that their love toward each other will grow greater. When you're with a group of authentic, committed believers, you're in good company to experience brotherly love as God intended.
We need to note, however, that love doesn't come on our own terms, by our own definition, with whomever we choose. This is why we must plug into God's truth and wisdom to understand what it's all about. Our way never works, but God's way always does!
A New Reality
Becoming a "victor" doesn't mean that your past doesn't matter. Nor does it minimize the great harm you may have experienced. What it does mean, however, is that you gain hope by embracing the truth about God, yourself, and others. You get to choose wise companions. You get to experience God's deliverance and provision. You become aware of God's great love for you, so you live in freedom from the bondage of lies. You get to be creative as God's special creation, doing what you were made to do, and being restored to who you were created to be.
Our current reality has everything to do with our current perspective. It is much more than "the power of positive thinking"; it is the way we view our world. We have hope when we come to the conclusions that:
- God is in charge, not us
- We're not in control of or responsible for outcomes; God simply asks for our obedience, and wants us to love others well
- The world is not an "all-bad" place, and most people are not out to harm us
- God's grace is always with us – we just need to look for evidence of it
- God has a bright future for us
- God will place helpful people in our path to build healthy connection
- God always wants the best for us; He will apply no more pressure on us than what it takes to get our attention and increase our healthy, child-like dependence on Him
We have an arch enemy that is out to distract, derail, and destroy us if possible; however, we also have at our disposal counter measures: the armor of God and the choice to resist evil. We who have received Christ are no longer in bondage to sin, but have a responsibility to choose growth. Our past does not define us; we share an identity with Christ in God. Romans 8:37 declares us victors! What a reality check!
If God is for us, who can be against us? . . . in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Romans 8:31-37
Are you seeking to grow toward a "victor" mindset? Check out these resources on resilience and healing from abuse.
Get free weekly articles in your inbox! Click HERE. Your information will never be shared.
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First published 3.14.23