What Does It Mean To "Submit"?
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ~ Ephesians 5:1-2
Ephesians 5:22 has been weaponized to the point of harm for many Christian women. A revisit to the entire chapter leading up to this verse in Ephesians 5 provides grace, truth, and comfort.
Surprise Meaning
This whole passage is about imitating God, NOT about human striving or performance, and certainly not about power imbalances. In the first two verses, we see the character of our loving Father, His Son who saved us, and how we fit into His picture:
Let's Park Right Here
If followers of Jesus are paying attention, we notice that abusive relationships can be avoided if we correctly identify evil. Those who patternistically exhibit evil behaviors are not fit to enter into a Christian marriage and will not obey the instruction on marriage in the rest of the chapter. God is setting us up for relational SUCCESS, not failure.
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." ~ Ephesians 5:15-17
[May I also suggest a visit to the book of Proverbs, which spells out behaviors associated with fools; fools could be people in your life. We need wisdom and discernment to know how to appropriately respond to fools and not become fools ourselves. For a guided tour, see THIS RESOURCE about fool-proofing your life :-)]
Moving Right Along
Remember, our goal for Christian marriage is still about imitating God in His love for us. In this context, we're given some positive pointers that lay the foundation for healthy relationships in Ephesians 5:17-21:
Moreover, mutual submission is performed out of reverence for Christ. It's not about us. It's about our example, Jesus!
How It All Works
The last instruction in this passage teaches how wives and husbands relate to each other. Paul, the writer gives us a picture of a husband and wife, and how the marriage should reflect Christ's relationship with those He saves: a human body with a head. They are inseparable in life. They cannot operate independently; they rely on each other for coordination and teamwork. It's not an either-or proposition; it's both-and. Both parties work together to for the benefit of the whole organism.
Think Of It This Way
If a body isn't getting messages from the brain, it flails about or is paralyzed. Likewise, if the "head" isn't getting feedback from the body, it doesn't have enough information to experience or analyze what's going on in the present. Both parts need to stay connected in order to be effective.
Christ, our "head", [note: the word "leader" is not used, but "head"] held nothing back for us, His beloved. He gave and continues to give; He's a giver, not a taker. He withholds no good thing; He provides all that is needed for life and godliness. He laid down His life; He is moved with compassion toward us. In this way, husbands are encouraged to love, nourish, and cherish their wives. [There is no "power-over" language in this passage.] Christ initiates good; He sets the example on how life is to be lived. Likewise, a husband shows his wife how life is to be lived by treasuring and serving her.
Christ also gives us a picture of submission. He is a servant-leader and a shepherd of the flock who operates at the will of His Father. The two are in agreement because of their trusting relationship. There is teamwork, not competition in the Godhead. No one member is more important than the other; all work in unity and harmony. [There is no abject humiliation in this passage, nor is there authority given to anyone to force another to submit.] The wife responds to her husband's example of service. She, too, engages in Christ-like behavior, respecting and honoring his person and personhood.
In this life, we humans will not perfectly reflect the glory of God in our marriages, but our aim should be to conform to Christ's image in how we live out our relationships. Jesus sets the perfect example to model our lives after; relationships in which both parties engage in mutual respect and love. If either husband or wife is not responsibly participating in conformity to Christ, the system breaks down, and it begins to look like a lack of love or a lack of respect, or both.
Washing Of Water With the Word
The whole purpose of "sanctification", that is, Christ preparing us for greater glory, is pictured in marriage. Just as Christ's purpose for us is holy, noble, pure, and good, so the husband is responsible for cherishing His wife for higher purposes. This doesn't happen in an atmosphere of criticism, shame, blame, demand, expectation, or oppression. Our "gentle and lowly" Savior uses – water! Not just any water, but pure, cleansing truth. We're talking about "living" water!
Find the Balance
We have an opportunity to be Jesus' "hands and feet" by modeling His behavior in our relationships. If, however, toxicity such as is mentioned in Ephesians 5:3-6 (see list of patterns of behavior above), danger and imbalance are lurking. It is not the responsibility of a Christian to remain in such a relationship until there is genuine repentance on the part of the guilty party. Jesus doesn't model oppressive, toxic behavior, nor does He relegate us to such. He calls us to walk in the light, as He is in the light, so that we may have fellowship with one another.
Perfection isn't the goal. Mutual growth is the goal. As the husband and wife love and serve each other, both are encouraged toward their higher purpose: conformity to Christ. And this is how we carry out the instruction of Ephesians 5 to be "imitators of God".
If you are wanting to get a more complete picture on the topic of submission, here are several helpful resources:
The Gospel of Ruth, by Carolyn Custis James, chapter 8
When Life and Beliefs Collide, by Carolyn Custis James, chapters 9-10
The Meaning of Marriage by Tim and Kathy Keller, chapter 2 (free to current in-person counselees--just ask!)
My companion article HERE.
Sign up to receive free weekly articles in your inbox HERE. Your information will never be shared. :-)
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First Published 2.21.23
Ephesians 5:22 has been weaponized to the point of harm for many Christian women. A revisit to the entire chapter leading up to this verse in Ephesians 5 provides grace, truth, and comfort.
Surprise Meaning
This whole passage is about imitating God, NOT about human striving or performance, and certainly not about power imbalances. In the first two verses, we see the character of our loving Father, His Son who saved us, and how we fit into His picture:
- we are His beloved children
- Christ is our loving example of serving others, and calls us all to lovingly serve each other
- loving service is in God's nature, which is why it is so important to Him.
- sexual immorality (including porn, lust, extra-marital affairs, etc.)
- foul language and crude humor
- covetousness, identified as idolatry (including idolizing oneself, e.g., narcissism, entitlement, selfishness, to name a few)
- lying and deception (e.g., gaslighting, mind games, manipulation)
- Interestingly, we next see a command to not associate with people who are engaged in the sinful activities listed above:
Let's Park Right Here
If followers of Jesus are paying attention, we notice that abusive relationships can be avoided if we correctly identify evil. Those who patternistically exhibit evil behaviors are not fit to enter into a Christian marriage and will not obey the instruction on marriage in the rest of the chapter. God is setting us up for relational SUCCESS, not failure.
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." ~ Ephesians 5:15-17
[May I also suggest a visit to the book of Proverbs, which spells out behaviors associated with fools; fools could be people in your life. We need wisdom and discernment to know how to appropriately respond to fools and not become fools ourselves. For a guided tour, see THIS RESOURCE about fool-proofing your life :-)]
Moving Right Along
Remember, our goal for Christian marriage is still about imitating God in His love for us. In this context, we're given some positive pointers that lay the foundation for healthy relationships in Ephesians 5:17-21:
- walk wisely
- do not drink to become drunk (other substance abuse is included by implication)
- be filled with the Holy Spirit (act on His instruction, not your own)
- use truthful music that glorifies God (Scripture is a great place to start)
- sing! It's a whole-brain activity!
- thank God in Jesus' name remembering that He is your source
- submit yourselves one to another out of reverence for Christ.
Moreover, mutual submission is performed out of reverence for Christ. It's not about us. It's about our example, Jesus!
How It All Works
The last instruction in this passage teaches how wives and husbands relate to each other. Paul, the writer gives us a picture of a husband and wife, and how the marriage should reflect Christ's relationship with those He saves: a human body with a head. They are inseparable in life. They cannot operate independently; they rely on each other for coordination and teamwork. It's not an either-or proposition; it's both-and. Both parties work together to for the benefit of the whole organism.
Think Of It This Way
If a body isn't getting messages from the brain, it flails about or is paralyzed. Likewise, if the "head" isn't getting feedback from the body, it doesn't have enough information to experience or analyze what's going on in the present. Both parts need to stay connected in order to be effective.
Christ, our "head", [note: the word "leader" is not used, but "head"] held nothing back for us, His beloved. He gave and continues to give; He's a giver, not a taker. He withholds no good thing; He provides all that is needed for life and godliness. He laid down His life; He is moved with compassion toward us. In this way, husbands are encouraged to love, nourish, and cherish their wives. [There is no "power-over" language in this passage.] Christ initiates good; He sets the example on how life is to be lived. Likewise, a husband shows his wife how life is to be lived by treasuring and serving her.
Christ also gives us a picture of submission. He is a servant-leader and a shepherd of the flock who operates at the will of His Father. The two are in agreement because of their trusting relationship. There is teamwork, not competition in the Godhead. No one member is more important than the other; all work in unity and harmony. [There is no abject humiliation in this passage, nor is there authority given to anyone to force another to submit.] The wife responds to her husband's example of service. She, too, engages in Christ-like behavior, respecting and honoring his person and personhood.
In this life, we humans will not perfectly reflect the glory of God in our marriages, but our aim should be to conform to Christ's image in how we live out our relationships. Jesus sets the perfect example to model our lives after; relationships in which both parties engage in mutual respect and love. If either husband or wife is not responsibly participating in conformity to Christ, the system breaks down, and it begins to look like a lack of love or a lack of respect, or both.
Washing Of Water With the Word
The whole purpose of "sanctification", that is, Christ preparing us for greater glory, is pictured in marriage. Just as Christ's purpose for us is holy, noble, pure, and good, so the husband is responsible for cherishing His wife for higher purposes. This doesn't happen in an atmosphere of criticism, shame, blame, demand, expectation, or oppression. Our "gentle and lowly" Savior uses – water! Not just any water, but pure, cleansing truth. We're talking about "living" water!
Find the Balance
We have an opportunity to be Jesus' "hands and feet" by modeling His behavior in our relationships. If, however, toxicity such as is mentioned in Ephesians 5:3-6 (see list of patterns of behavior above), danger and imbalance are lurking. It is not the responsibility of a Christian to remain in such a relationship until there is genuine repentance on the part of the guilty party. Jesus doesn't model oppressive, toxic behavior, nor does He relegate us to such. He calls us to walk in the light, as He is in the light, so that we may have fellowship with one another.
Perfection isn't the goal. Mutual growth is the goal. As the husband and wife love and serve each other, both are encouraged toward their higher purpose: conformity to Christ. And this is how we carry out the instruction of Ephesians 5 to be "imitators of God".
If you are wanting to get a more complete picture on the topic of submission, here are several helpful resources:
The Gospel of Ruth, by Carolyn Custis James, chapter 8
When Life and Beliefs Collide, by Carolyn Custis James, chapters 9-10
The Meaning of Marriage by Tim and Kathy Keller, chapter 2 (free to current in-person counselees--just ask!)
My companion article HERE.
Sign up to receive free weekly articles in your inbox HERE. Your information will never be shared. :-)
©2023 Julianne Knapp. First Published 2.21.23