What Is Emotional Maturity?
Patrick Doyle, one of the counselors I reference on my site, says that if you observe a "Level 9" reaction to a "Level 2" event, then the problem is much deeper than what appears on the surface. In other words, if an emotional response is way more passionate than called for in the situation (like getting angrier or more frustrated than what would be considered normal for the circumstance at hand), then the "problem" is not the problem.
Has this ever happened with you, or with someone close to you? Have you thought about "tracking down" what's really happening inside--finding out the root reason for your fear, anxiety, frustration, anger, etc.? The next time you observe or participate in an exchange that seems to escalate quickly, get curious! Ask questions about what's really going on:
*Does this remind me of an event earlier in my life, when I felt out of control, abandoned, unheard, neglected, shamed?
*Why is this so important to me (or the other person)? Am I trying to compensate for a perceived deficiency?
*Am I trusting God for the outcome, or am I depending on myself to solve this problem?
*Am I communicating clearly and lovingly with the other person, and seeking to solve a problem together rather than win an argument?
This chart below helps us understand "normal" emotional control. When the Holy Spirit is fully in charge of our lives, we will see the fruit of His work by noticing "temperance", or self-control, as well as patience. Our growth will be noticeable to ourselves and to others as He conforms us to the image of Christ!
Note: the following is not a "to-do" list for you to master; it's simply a chart to help you track your growth. To become emotionally mature, we must a) learn who the "safe" people are in our lives, b) practice vulnerability as appropriate with "safe" people, c) learn resilience. All of these topics are explored in more depth on my site.
Subscribe to free weekly articles in your inbox HERE; your information will never be shared. :-)
©2022 Julianne Knapp. Originally published 8.16.22
Has this ever happened with you, or with someone close to you? Have you thought about "tracking down" what's really happening inside--finding out the root reason for your fear, anxiety, frustration, anger, etc.? The next time you observe or participate in an exchange that seems to escalate quickly, get curious! Ask questions about what's really going on:
*Does this remind me of an event earlier in my life, when I felt out of control, abandoned, unheard, neglected, shamed?
*Why is this so important to me (or the other person)? Am I trying to compensate for a perceived deficiency?
*Am I trusting God for the outcome, or am I depending on myself to solve this problem?
*Am I communicating clearly and lovingly with the other person, and seeking to solve a problem together rather than win an argument?
This chart below helps us understand "normal" emotional control. When the Holy Spirit is fully in charge of our lives, we will see the fruit of His work by noticing "temperance", or self-control, as well as patience. Our growth will be noticeable to ourselves and to others as He conforms us to the image of Christ!
Note: the following is not a "to-do" list for you to master; it's simply a chart to help you track your growth. To become emotionally mature, we must a) learn who the "safe" people are in our lives, b) practice vulnerability as appropriate with "safe" people, c) learn resilience. All of these topics are explored in more depth on my site.
Subscribe to free weekly articles in your inbox HERE; your information will never be shared. :-)
©2022 Julianne Knapp. Originally published 8.16.22
