What They Didn't Tell You About Forgiveness

Have you ever walked away from a conversation or sermon on forgiveness feeling confused––something didn’t sit right? Chances are, you were trying to reconcile competing ideas: a) God wants you to forgive, and b) the level of harm hasn’t been acknowledged.

Before we talk about what forgiveness looks like, it’s worth a brief mention of what we’re not addressing now. Forgiveness is a topic all its own, and may not include

Reconciliation
Restoration
Your offender acknowledging or asking for your forgiveness
Confronting your offender regarding the harm
Forgetting the sin against you

Note: if the harm against you or those in your protection poses a safety risk, safety is your first priority. You can revisit the issue of forgiveness later.

Forgiveness as a Heart Posture

A forgiving person is someone who is willing to enter the process of forgiveness. We forgive because Christ forgave us. Forgiveness is a calling: a way of life, a way of being. Without forgiveness, we can’t live a life of peace and freedom.

Numerous scriptures instruct us to forgive (Eph. 4:32, Mark 11:25, Col. 3:13), so we must be willing to do so. However, forgiveness is not easy, and the greater the sin against us, the harder it can seem to forgive.

I’d go so far as to say we can’t forgive without the power of Christ. Some sin against us is so evil, so atrocious, so horrendous that it changes our lives forever, and yet, we can forgive because that’s what Christ did for us. Our own sin was so unspeakable that Christ died an unspeakably tortured death to reconcile us to God. His resurrection from the dead provided the power of life-giving forgiveness to all who have sinned, including us!

Forgiveness as a Process

Acknowledgment of harm

Before we can forgive someone for their sin against us, we must name that sin (at least to ourselves) and acknowledge the harm it caused. What happened? What was the effect? What was lost that can’t be recovered? It may be that the offense was a theft, a murderous remark, assault against your person, or another violation. Evaluate the event and its effects.

Grief for the loss of something that can’t be regained

For every loss, there is an appropriate level of grief. It’s tempting to skip this step, because it’s painful to revisit the memory and hard to grasp the sinfulness of the offense. It feels devastating to come to terms with the evil that has assaulted you; however, without grief, one can’t know what she or he is forgiving.

Bearing the weight of the sin against you

In a very real sense, forgiveness includes taking the punishment for someone else’s sin––like Jesus did for us (1 Pet. 2:24). We can’t get back what was lost before the offense happened, and it hurts. There is no way the offender can make it right; we are crushed under the burden.

Giving vengeance or judgment over to God

If we were to take matters into our own hands (vengeance), we would increase sin, and we would judge inappropriately. Only God can righteously return evil for evil (Rom. 12:19), and he has promised to do so.

Releasing your offender from the debt of the sin

Forgiveness is canceling the debt of what is owed to you, but it doesn’t mean the offender gets off the hook. God takes up the debt of what is owed to you, and he executes justice. When you release your offender, you release yourself from carrying around the baggage of his/her sin against you.

Repeat

If there are layers of offenses toward you, they may come up time and again. When this happens, it doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven; there may be more to forgive than you originally knew. Layers of offenses means layers of forgiveness. Enter into this process knowing that Jesus is with you, granting more freedom and peace for you as you go from one glory to another (2 Cor. 3:18).

For more on the topic of forgiveness, go HERE and HERE.

©2024 Julianne Knapp. First published 1.16.24

What They Didn't Tell You About Forgiveness

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